Concours d’LeMons

Vor einiger Zeit bin ich über diese herrlichen Trophäen-Klassen des „Concours d’LeMons“ (Laut aussprechen verrät den Wortwitz) gestolpert:


Guaranteed to be unprofessional, inattentive, capricious, and subject to bribery. (Liquor and food seem to be favorites.) Satisfactory bribes will earn the „Ribbon of Dishonor,“ to be placed on the car’s windshield. Don’t like their decisions? Check your ticket–you’re at the wrong car show.

This year the Concours d’LeMons has suckered several automotive world luminaries into being Guest Judges. They risk their reputation, you get to hob knob with big wigs, everyone has a good time. Guest Judges have included Peter Brock, Bill Warner (Amelia Island Concours founder), and Classic Motorsport publisher Tim Suddard. They all have accepted bribes in exchange for chinchy trohpies. More big names to come as soon as we can con them into it.


By Region of Origin

Rust Belt American Junk, pre ’64

Rust Belt American Junk, ’64-current

Unmitigated Gaul, pre-’70 For: Citroen Ami, Renault Caravelle, etc.
Award: The French Legion of Horror

Unmitigated Gaul, 1970-current For: LeCar, Citroen SM, Peugeot 604, etc.
Award: The French Legion of Horror

Rueful Britannia, pre ’66
The Royal Order of MOT Failure

Rueful Britannia, 1966-current
Award: The Royal Order of MOT Failure

Needlessly Complex Italian, pre ’74
Award: Conoscete un Buon Meccanico? Plaque

Needlessly Complex Italian, 1974-current
Award: Conoscete un Buon Meccanico? Plaque

Der Self-SatisfiedKrauttenWagen, pre ’70

Der Self-SatisfiedKrauttenWagen, 1970-current

Soul-Sucking Japanese Appliance, pre ’70

Soul-Sucking Japanese Appliance, 1970-current

Swedish Meatballs, pre ’74

Swedish Meatballs, 1974-current

Warsaw Pact, 1945-1990 For: Trabant, Wartburg, ZIL, Lada, etc.
Award: Vladimir Ilyich Lenin Medal for Most Glorious Achievement in Transportative Advancement for Use Upon Billiard-Smooth Highways as Are Uniformly to Be Found Inside Workers‘ Paradise


Special Collections

Volkswagen Bug Special Coachwork For: Beetles with Rolls treatment, 40 Ford treatment, Manx Buggies

Shag Van For: Carpeted, airbrushed makeout/molester vehicles

Wretched Rejects For: Any vehicle that has been refused admittance by a major concours (rejection letter must be displayed on the vehicle during the show)

Most Effluent For: All vehicles, show the judges your smog test results. The car with the highest emissions wins!

Terrible Twos
For: Mustang II, Chevy II, Fury II

Battle of the Network Cars
For: Knockoffs of KITT, Starsky’s Torino, Miami Vice, A-Team, etc.

Carrozzeria Iacocca For: K-Cars and their zillion derivatives

Ill-Advised Kit Cars
For: Laser 917, MiGi TF, Manta Mirage, etc
Award: Steaming Pile of Kit Trophy

Malcom’s McLarens
For: Bertone X1/9, Subaru 360, Yugo, Bricklin SV

Chronic Dick-Teague Syndrome
For: AMC, 1964-1983

Most Eleganté
For: Vintage neoclassics, Shaft-worthy pimpmobiles, Excaliburs, Zimmers

Bad(ge) Engineering
For: Mercury Bobcats, Maserati TC’s, El Dorado/Cutlass/Regals

Oil Burners For: 2-strokes and Diesels
Award: The Exxon Valdez Memorial Oil Slick

Awful Editions
For: Levi’s Gremlins, Shelby Omnis, Cosworth Vegas, Boss Pinto, etc.s

Art Cars

Sickest Sickle For: Oddball motorcycles, Norton Rotaries, CBXs, Ariel Square Fours, Zuki RE5s, monkey bikes, mini bikes, etc.


Triumphs of Engineering

OPEC I, 1970-77 For: Pinto, Pacer, Gremlin, Vega, etc.

OPEC II, 1978-88 For: Citation, Fairmont, Cadillac V8-6-4, etc.

Vacuum-Carb Era, 1973-1983 For: Cordoba, Mirada, Monza, etc.

Ass-Engine Sled, Hessian For: Beetle, Karmann-Ghia, VW Bus, Squareback, etc.

Ass-Engine Sled, Non-Hessian For: Fiat 600, Hillman Imp, Corvair, Dauphine, etc.


Special Awards

Worst in Show

Biggest Loser For: Car with largest percentage of value drop (MB S600, etc.)

Most Dangerous

WTF??? Award

Die Veranstalter bezeichnen ihre Show zuversichtlich als „The eyesore of Pebble Beach Automobile Week„.
Sollte man hierzulande auch mal auf die Beine stellen. Meine Familie hätte da einige preisverdächtige Kandidaten…

Ein Gedanke zu „Concours d’LeMons“

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